It was a warm summer evening, and the reception hall glittered with strings of fairy lights. I was at my friend Kevin’s wedding, seated near the front, enjoying the buzz of conversation and the smell of fresh flowers. When it came time for the speeches, Kevin’s best man, Alex, stood up, beaming.
I’d known Alex for years—we met through mutual friends, and he’d been at my wedding three years earlier. He started his speech with the usual jokes and fond memories, but then, midway through, my smile froze.
He began reciting words I knew by heart—because I had written them.
The Realization
At first, I thought it was a coincidence. But as he went on, I recognized entire phrases from the vows I’d written to my husband, Matt. The same metaphors, the same heartfelt promises. Even the unusual phrase “home isn’t a place, it’s the person you choose” was there—word for word.
I felt my cheeks burn. This wasn’t just inspiration; it was my vows, lifted straight from the most personal moment of my life, now being delivered to a room full of people who had no idea.
Why It Stung
Wedding vows are deeply personal. They’re not just pretty words—they’re a promise, crafted for one person, on one of the most intimate days of your life.
Hearing my words in someone else’s mouth, aimed at a completely different couple, felt like watching someone try on my wedding dress for fun—it didn’t fit, and it didn’t belong there.
The Rest of the Speech
Alex continued, oblivious to the fact that I was staring at him in shock. Guests around me were smiling, some even dabbing their eyes. Kevin and his bride looked touched.
Meanwhile, I was torn between anger and disbelief. Part of me wanted to stand up and say, “Those are mine!” but I didn’t want to cause a scene at Kevin’s wedding.
Talking to Him
I decided to wait until the next day. I texted Alex, keeping it short but clear:
“Hey, just curious—did you realize some of your speech was almost identical to my wedding vows?”
He replied within minutes:
“Oh man, yeah, I did borrow a few lines. I remembered how beautiful they were and thought they’d work perfectly. Hope you don’t mind!”
Hope I don’t mind? I minded a lot.
The Conversation
We met for coffee a few days later. I told him why it bothered me—that those words weren’t just pretty sentences, but a personal expression meant for my husband.
Alex seemed surprised. “I honestly thought you’d be flattered. I wasn’t trying to steal anything, just wanted to capture the same emotion.”
I explained that it wasn’t about flattery—it was about boundaries. “Those words were mine. They were private, even if you heard them in public. If you’d asked, I might have given you permission to use a few lines, but taking them without asking crossed a line.”
His Reaction
To his credit, Alex apologized. “I didn’t think of it that way. I’m sorry. I guess I just didn’t realize how personal vows are.”
I accepted his apology, but it didn’t erase the sting of hearing my promises to Matt repurposed for someone else’s love story.
Moving Forward
Since then, I’ve been more mindful of what I share, even in seemingly public settings. Words, once spoken, can stick in people’s memories—and not always in the way you expect.
I’ve also learned that not everyone understands the emotional weight behind personal writing. To some, it’s just beautiful language; to others, it’s a piece of their soul.
Lessons Learned
This experience taught me that setting boundaries isn’t just about physical possessions—it’s about intellectual and emotional property too. If someone’s words move you, it’s fine to be inspired, but it’s respectful to make them your own or give credit where it’s due.
Borrowing without asking can feel like stealing, even if the intention wasn’t malicious.
Final Thought
Your words, especially those tied to deeply personal moments, are part of your identity. If you wouldn’t wear someone else’s wedding ring, don’t borrow their wedding vows without permission.
