It was a Thursday evening when my husband, Eric, casually mentioned over dinner, “Oh, by the way, Rachel invited me to her bachelorette party next weekend.”
I nearly dropped my fork. Rachel was one of my old college friends, and while she and Eric knew each other through me, they weren’t exactly close.
The Immediate Reaction
I blinked at him. “Wait… she invited you? To her bachelorette party? As in the one I wasn’t even invited to?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She said it would be fun, since I know some of her friends.”
The sting hit instantly—not because I wanted to go to the bachelorette party, but because she had reached out to my husband instead of me, for an event that was supposed to be for her closest friends.
The Confusion
Rachel and I had been friendly for years, though we weren’t as close as we once were. There’d been no falling out—just the natural drifting apart that comes with time. Still, I assumed I’d at least get a courtesy invite to her pre-wedding celebrations.
Now, I was hearing about it secondhand, from my husband, who seemed just as confused as I was.
Talking to Eric
I asked, “Did she say why she invited you and not me?”
He shook his head. “Not really. She just mentioned that one of her friends dropped out and there was an extra spot.”
So I wasn’t even considered until there was a cancellation—and even then, she’d rather fill the spot with my husband than with me.
Why It Hurt
It wasn’t about wanting to be at the party—it was about feeling excluded from a moment that, in the past, I would have been part of. It was also about boundaries. Inviting someone’s spouse to an intimate celebration without including them feels strange at best, disrespectful at worst.
Deciding What to Do
Eric immediately said, “I’m not going without you. That would be weird.” I appreciated that, but it still left me with the question: why would Rachel think this was okay?
I decided to text her. I kept it light but direct:
“Hey, heard you invited Eric to your bachelorette party. Just curious—how come I didn’t get an invite?”
Her Response
She replied within minutes:
“Oh! I just assumed you wouldn’t be interested—it’s going to be wild. Eric seemed like he’d have fun with the group.”
I stared at the screen. So, not only had she assumed my preferences without asking, but she’d prioritized my husband’s potential enjoyment over including me in her milestone celebration.
The Bigger Issue
It wasn’t really about a bachelorette party—it was about being sidelined in a friendship I had once valued. Rachel had chosen not to involve me, and in doing so, had crossed a line by pulling Eric into the mix.
Moving Forward
I told her I appreciated the explanation but found it a bit odd. We left it at that. Eric, true to his word, declined the invitation.
Since then, I’ve kept my distance from Rachel. Not in an overt, dramatic way—just a quiet recalibration of how much energy I put into a friendship that clearly doesn’t prioritize me.
Lessons Learned
Sometimes, an invitation—or lack thereof—speaks volumes about the state of a relationship. And when someone crosses a boundary by involving your spouse in a way that feels exclusionary to you, it’s okay to address it and then decide how much space you need to keep.
Final Thought
Friendship changes over time, but respect should always remain. If someone values your partner’s presence over yours in a moment that should be about closeness, it might be time to reevaluate where you stand.
