There’s a unique kind of frustration that comes when someone you care about asks for your advice—makes you feel trusted, valued, and heard—only to completely ignore your input and do the opposite. If you’ve ever been in that position, you know the head-spinning mix of concern, exasperation, and, ultimately, resignation. That’s the story of me and my brother, Kyle.
Kyle and I have always been close. Growing up, he’d come to me about everything from school drama to dating advice, and even after we became adults and moved to different cities, our calls often turned into therapy sessions for both of us. So when Kyle called one evening, voice uncertain, I could tell something big was brewing.
The Dilemma
He’d been offered a new job in another state—a great salary, better title, but a company with a reputation for high turnover and a notoriously toxic culture. On the other hand, his current job was steady, offered good work-life balance, and he actually liked his colleagues.
“I need your honest opinion,” Kyle said. “Should I take the leap, or stay put?”
We talked for over an hour. I weighed the pros and cons with him, shared stories from friends who’d taken similar risks, and even suggested a list of questions he could ask the new employer about their culture. In the end, I told him: “If you’re happy where you are, and all the warning signs about the new place are real, I’d stay put. There’s value in peace of mind, not just a paycheck.”
He thanked me, said he’d think about it, and promised to keep me posted.
Watching It Unfold
A few days later, I saw his social media post: “New city, new chapter! Excited to join the team at Apex Corp.” I blinked, reread it, and sighed. He hadn’t called, hadn’t texted. He’d done the exact opposite of what I’d advised.
I’ll admit, my first reaction was annoyance. Why ask if you’ve already made up your mind? I wanted to text a snarky, “Congrats on ignoring all my advice!” but I held back.
A week into his new job, Kyle called me, sounding exhausted. “I think I made a mistake,” he admitted. “Everything you warned me about is true. The hours are brutal. People are leaving every week. I miss my old team.”
Part of me wanted to say “I told you so,” but instead, I just listened.
Understanding the Why
After we talked, I realized Kyle hadn’t been asking for permission—he’d been looking for support. Sometimes, people need to follow their own path, even if it means taking the longer, bumpier road. They want your perspective, but at the end of the day, they need to see it for themselves.
We all have to make our own mistakes and live with the outcomes. Being a good sibling (or friend, or partner) sometimes means offering advice, then stepping back—ready to catch them if they stumble, but not holding it over their heads.
What I Learned
Advice isn’t a contract; it’s a gift. Once you offer it, you have to let go of what happens next. I learned that true support means caring even when your advice isn’t taken, and that sometimes, the best growth comes from choosing the “wrong” path and learning what’s right for you.
Kyle eventually found his footing. He stuck it out for a year, then used the experience to land an even better job—one that suited him perfectly. Our calls are still therapy sessions, but now I remind myself to offer advice with no strings attached.
Final Thought
If someone asks for your advice, then does the opposite, don’t take it personally. Let them walk their own road, and be there for them—win or lose. After all, the best relationships are built on trust, not just agreement.
