It was a quiet Sunday morning when I decided to scroll through social media while sipping my coffee. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, just killing time before heading out for brunch with friends. That’s when I saw it—right there at the top of my feed.
“Ethan is in a relationship.”
It was my boyfriend. And yes, the “relationship” was with me. But the fact that I was finding out about it the same way the rest of the world was felt… off.
Why It Felt Strange
Ethan and I had been dating for about seven months. Things were going well, but we hadn’t really had a formal “what are we?” conversation until recently. A couple of weeks earlier, we agreed we were exclusive. Still, I assumed that making it social-media-official would be something we decided together—not something he’d do on his own.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want people to know—we’d been out together plenty of times, and our friends knew we were a couple. But social media can change how a relationship is perceived. Once it’s public, people talk. They ask questions. They make assumptions. And here I was, unprepared for all of that.
The Texts Started Rolling In
Within minutes, my phone was buzzing with messages.
“OMG, congrats!”
“Didn’t know you guys were official!”
“About time!”
I hadn’t even finished my coffee, and I was already fielding questions from friends and family about something I hadn’t planned to announce yet. My mom even called to say, “You didn’t tell me!”
Confronting Him
When I met up with Ethan later that day, I brought it up. “Hey, I saw your status update. Kind of wish you’d mentioned it before hitting ‘post.’”
He looked genuinely confused. “Why? It’s true, isn’t it? I just thought it’d be nice for everyone to know.”
I sighed. “It’s not about the truth—it’s about the fact that I had no idea you were going to do it. I had to find out like everyone else.”
Why It Bothered Me More Than I Expected
To Ethan, it was just a click of a button. To me, it was a decision about how we present ourselves as a couple. Those decisions set the tone for the relationship. When one person makes them unilaterally, it feels unbalanced—like I’m just along for the ride instead of being an equal partner.
I also couldn’t shake the feeling that this was more about him than about us. Was he trying to mark his territory? Prove something to someone? Or was it simply thoughtlessness?
His Perspective
Ethan swore it was innocent. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I’m proud to be with you, and I wanted people to know.”
I appreciated the sentiment, but I explained that big or small, decisions about our relationship should be mutual. “It’s not about hiding,” I told him. “It’s about being on the same page. And right now, it feels like you skipped a step.”
The Bigger Picture
This wasn’t the first time Ethan had made a relationship decision without consulting me. A few months earlier, he’d invited us both to a couple’s weekend trip with his friends before even asking if I was available. Back then, I brushed it off. But this was another reminder that he sometimes assumed I’d be fine with whatever he decided.
Moving Forward
After our talk, Ethan agreed that from now on, we’d discuss things like public announcements together. He apologized, saying he honestly didn’t think it would bother me. I believed him—but I also made a mental note to be clearer about my expectations in the future.
Relationships thrive on communication, and this was a small but important example of why. Even something as seemingly trivial as a Facebook status can set off a wave of unintended consequences if it’s not handled thoughtfully.
Final Thought: Making a relationship public—whether online or in person—should be a shared choice. It’s not just about declaring your status; it’s about respecting your partner’s voice in how and when that declaration happens.
