Friday nights had become our little tradition. My boyfriend, Alex, and I would either go out for dinner or order in, then watch a movie or play a board game. It was our time to unwind and reconnect after a busy week.
So when he texted me an hour before our planned dinner saying he “couldn’t make it tonight,” I was disappointed—but I figured something important must have come up. I asked if everything was okay, and his reply made my stomach turn: “Yeah, I just want to catch a livestream tonight. My ex is doing a music set online, and I promised I’d watch.”
The Initial Shock
At first, I thought I’d misread it. “Wait, you’re canceling our date… to watch your ex?”
He responded with, “She’s really talented, and I like supporting her. It’s not a big deal.”
To me, it was a big deal. We’d had these plans for days, and he was bailing at the last minute—not for work, not for a family emergency, but to watch someone he used to date.
Why It Hurt So Much
It wasn’t just about the canceled dinner—it was about what it said about his priorities. He was putting his ex’s event above the time we’d set aside for each other. Even if they were “just friends” now, it felt disrespectful to our relationship.
I also couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t mentioned the livestream earlier. If it was so important to him, we could have talked about watching it together—or at least rescheduling our date. Instead, he just dropped our plans without much thought.
Confronting Him
When I called him, I tried to keep my voice steady. “Alex, this isn’t about being jealous. It’s about you choosing to spend time watching your ex instead of keeping your commitment to me.”
He sighed. “I just wanted to be supportive. We dated years ago—it’s not romantic anymore.”
“I believe you,” I said, “but you have to understand how this looks and feels. You made a promise to me, and you broke it for her.”
His Defense
Alex argued that it was “just one night” and that I was “overreacting.” But to me, it wasn’t about the quantity—it was about the message. If our plans could be so easily replaced, what did that say about how much he valued them?
I pointed out, “You could have watched the replay later. You didn’t have to choose between supporting her and spending time with me. But you did.”
The Bigger Issue
As I thought about it more, I realized this wasn’t the first time Alex had prioritized something—or someone—else over me. There had been smaller moments before: staying late at work without telling me, skipping lunch dates because a friend “needed to vent,” and now, this.
It made me question whether I was a priority for him at all.
The Aftermath
We didn’t talk much for the rest of the weekend. On Sunday, Alex came over with takeout, saying he’d “make it up to me.” I appreciated the gesture, but it didn’t erase the sting of Friday night.
I told him plainly, “I don’t mind you supporting your friends—even your exes. But if we make plans, I expect you to honor them. Otherwise, it feels like I’m always second choice.”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t fully get it. Whether that changes over time remains to be seen.
Moving Forward
Since then, I’ve been more upfront about my expectations. If we make plans, I expect him to treat them as a commitment, not just a placeholder until something else comes along. And if he wants to watch an ex’s performance? Fine—just not at the expense of our time together.
Final Thought: Relationships are built on trust, but they’re maintained through consistent prioritization. Breaking plans for an ex—no matter how innocent the reason—can send a clear and hurtful message about where your partner stands on your list.
