When my ex-husband, Mark, said he wanted to take our 12-year-old son, Liam, out for the day, I thought it was a great idea. Liam had been growing fast, and I’d mentioned more than once that he needed new clothes. Mark agreed and said, “Perfect—I’ll take him shopping and get him some things he needs.”
I sent Liam off with a list in case Mark needed guidance—jeans, a couple of hoodies, sneakers, and a winter coat. I even gave Liam a small budget from my own pocket to make sure he’d have choices he liked.
So when Liam came home hours later without a single new item, I was confused.
The Disappointing Reveal
“Did you not find anything you liked?” I asked.
Liam shrugged. “We went to a bunch of stores, but we didn’t get me anything. We got clothes for Ava instead.”
Ava is Mark’s stepdaughter from his new marriage. She’s a sweet girl, and I’ve never had an issue with her personally. But hearing that a shopping trip meant for my son turned into a spree for someone else made my jaw clench.
Getting the Full Story
I gently pressed Liam for details. Apparently, they went to several stores, but Mark kept saying, “We’ll look for you after we get Ava’s things.” By the time they finished shopping for her—several tops, two pairs of jeans, and a new jacket—Liam said Mark was “tired” and suggested they go home.
To make it worse, Liam told me that when he pointed out they hadn’t bought anything for him, Mark said, “We’ll get to it next time.”
Why It Stung So Much
This wasn’t about the clothes—it was about priorities. That shopping trip was supposed to be about Liam, something they could do together to bond while also taking care of a practical need. Instead, my son spent hours watching his dad focus entirely on someone else.
It’s one thing for Mark to treat his stepdaughter well—that’s good parenting. But it’s another to make his own son feel like an afterthought during time that was meant for him.
The Conversation With Mark
When I called Mark to ask what happened, he was defensive. “Ava needed new clothes for school, and it just made sense to take care of it while we were out. I didn’t think Liam would mind.”
I told him, “You can shop for Ava anytime, but this was supposed to be Liam’s day. You told him you were taking him shopping, and then you didn’t follow through. Do you know how that feels to a kid?”
He sighed. “I’ll take him next weekend.”
I pushed back. “It’s not just about rescheduling—it’s about showing him that when you say you’re going to do something for him, you mean it. Otherwise, he’s going to stop believing you.”
Liam’s Feelings
Later, when I talked to Liam about it, he tried to act like it didn’t bother him. But I could tell from the way he shrugged it off that it had. Kids might not always say it, but they feel it deeply when they’re overlooked—especially by a parent.
He eventually admitted, “It just felt like I was tagging along. I thought we were going to get stuff for me too.”
Moving Forward
I told Liam that his feelings were valid and that I’d make sure he got what he needed. That weekend, I took him shopping myself, letting him pick out everything on the list. We made a day of it—lunch, music in the car, and lots of laughs.
As for Mark, I reiterated that if he wants to spend time with Liam, it needs to be quality time that makes Liam feel valued. Including Ava sometimes is fine, but not at the expense of the plans they’ve made together.
The Takeaway
Parenting after a breakup means balancing blended family dynamics carefully. Every child involved should feel equally valued, but that doesn’t mean every outing has to be shared. Sometimes, kids need one-on-one time with their parent to feel truly seen.
Final Thought: Good intentions can still leave someone feeling left out if the follow-through isn’t there. Promises to kids matter—breaking them sends a louder message than most adults realize.
