Blended families and breakups are never easy, especially when children are caught in the middle. For Lisa Bradford, a single mom navigating life after divorce, the most unexpected challenge came not from heated arguments or custody schedules, but from a revelation during her daughter’s therapy session: her daughter, Ava, missed Lisa’s ex-boyfriend more than Lisa ever realized.
The Therapy Session That Changed Everything
After her divorce, Lisa put her daughter Ava’s well-being first. She found a supportive therapist for Ava, wanting her to have a safe space to process all the changes happening in their lives. Lisa’s new relationship with Mike, while short-lived, had brought a sense of stability and laughter to their home—at least for a while.
When Mike and Lisa split, Lisa assumed Ava would bounce back quickly. After all, Mike had only been in their lives for about two years. But during a routine therapy session, the therapist gently informed Lisa that Ava was struggling more than she let on. “Ava says she misses Mike,” the therapist said. “She really valued his presence.”
Lisa was taken aback. She hadn’t realized how much Ava had bonded with Mike, or how deeply she’d feel his absence.
The Hidden Attachments Kids Form
Children are often more perceptive and emotionally invested than adults give them credit for. For Ava, Mike wasn’t just “Mom’s boyfriend”—he’d been a mentor, a playmate, and a steady adult figure when everything else seemed to be changing. From Saturday pancake breakfasts to helping with math homework, Mike had left a bigger imprint than Lisa expected.
Dr. Rachel Carter, a child psychologist in Boston, explains, “Kids often form attachments to significant adults in their lives, regardless of the relationship’s official status. When that bond is broken, it can feel like a second loss after divorce or separation.”
Lisa’s Guilt and Uncertainty
Lisa felt a rush of guilt. She’d been so focused on moving on that she hadn’t talked to Ava about how she was coping with Mike’s absence. Was she wrong to introduce him in the first place? Should she have protected Ava from getting too attached?
The guilt turned to worry. Should she reach out to Mike and ask him to stay in touch? Or would that just confuse Ava even more? These questions haunted Lisa as she struggled to make the best choice for her daughter.
Navigating a Child’s Grief Over an Ex
After speaking with the therapist and doing her own research, Lisa realized there was no easy answer. But she could take a few steps to help Ava process her feelings:
- Validate Ava’s emotions: Lisa made sure to let Ava know that it was okay to miss Mike and that her feelings were normal.
- Open the conversation: Instead of avoiding the topic, Lisa encouraged Ava to share memories and talk about what she missed most.
- Create new rituals: Lisa helped Ava find new ways to fill the gaps left by Mike, from starting their own Saturday breakfast tradition to joining a local science club.
- Respect boundaries: Lisa decided not to reach out to Mike immediately, but let Ava know she could write him a letter if she wanted to express her feelings.
The Importance of Gentle Honesty
Lisa learned that it’s okay for children to grieve adults who are no longer in their lives. Suppressing or ignoring those feelings only leads to more confusion. By being honest and supportive, Lisa helped Ava feel safe expressing even the hardest emotions.
Dr. Carter advises parents in blended or changing families: “Allow space for grief, and don’t take your child’s feelings personally. Loving someone who’s gone is a sign of their ability to trust and form healthy bonds.”
Healing Together
Over time, Ava adjusted. The sadness didn’t vanish overnight, but it softened as Lisa and Ava created new memories together. Lisa learned to check in with her daughter more often, asking how she was feeling—not just about Mike, but about everything going on in her life.
They also made space for hope: Lisa reassured Ava that it was okay to remember people fondly and that new, happy chapters were still ahead.
Final Thought
Breakups don’t just affect adults—they ripple through the lives of children in ways we don’t always see. When Lisa’s daughter told her therapist that she missed her ex, it opened the door to healing and deeper understanding. In every family, honoring a child’s emotions is the first step to moving forward—together.
