No one warns you about the moment your child throws their most painful words at you—especially when those words are shared with your ex. It was a regular Thursday when I found out. My phone lit up with a text from my former husband, Mark: “FYI, Emma told me she hates you. Thought you should know what’s going on.”
At first, I thought it was a joke, or a misunderstanding. Emma is twelve—moody, fiery, and in that confusing place between childhood and adolescence. We’d had a small argument about screen time the night before, but nothing out of the ordinary. I figured she’d be over it by morning.
But reading the words “she hates you” from Mark hit differently. Suddenly, I worried about what else she might be saying, how Mark would see me as a parent, and if Emma really meant it.
The Hurt and the Heartbreak
That evening, Emma was quiet at dinner. I waited until after we’d eaten, then asked gently, “Did you tell Dad you hate me?”
She looked down, cheeks flushed with guilt. “I was just mad. I didn’t mean it. He asked why I was upset and it just… came out.”
Her voice trembled. In that moment, I saw my own confusion and hurt mirrored in her eyes. She didn’t know how to express her anger, and I realized her words weren’t truly about hate—they were about frustration and the safety of venting to someone she knew would listen.
The Conversation That Healed
Instead of getting angry, I sat next to her and hugged her tight. “I know it hurts when we fight. It hurts me, too. But even when you’re mad, I hope you’ll always talk to me. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
Emma started to cry, apologizing again and again. We talked about better ways to share feelings, about the difference between anger and hate, and about how words can sting more than we intend.
Later, I messaged Mark and explained what happened. I asked him to let me handle it with Emma directly next time, instead of using it as a scorecard in our parenting.
What I Learned
Parenting after divorce is filled with moments you never expect. I learned that kids say things they don’t mean when they’re hurting or angry. I also learned that real love isn’t measured by what’s said in a moment of pain, but by the willingness to work through it—together.
Final Thought
If your child says something hurtful about you to your ex, let yourself feel the pain, but don’t let it define your relationship. Use it as an opportunity for honest conversation, forgiveness, and growth. Love—messy and imperfect—always finds a way back.
