I was scrolling through Facebook on my lunch break when a post stopped me in my tracks.
It was from my closest friend, Rachel. A selfie of her standing in front of a cute little townhouse, holding a key, with the caption:
“Can’t believe it’s finally happening—moving to Chicago next month!”
My fork hovered in midair. Chicago? She was moving? I hadn’t heard a word about this.
The Shock
Rachel and I had been friends for more than a decade. We’d survived bad breakups, celebrated career wins, and kept each other afloat during tough family times. We saw each other almost every weekend.
If anyone was going to hear about her moving to a new city—let alone halfway across the country—I thought it would be me.
But here I was, finding out at the same time as her old college acquaintances and the guy she used to babysit for in high school.
The First Reaction
I reread the post three times, hoping I’d somehow missed an earlier conversation where she mentioned this. Nothing. No text. No call. Not even a casual “I’ve been thinking about moving.”
My first instinct was to comment something lighthearted like, “Wow, news to me!” but I didn’t want to be petty in public. Instead, I sent her a direct message:
“Chicago?! When were you going to tell me?”
Her Response
She replied almost instantly:
“I know, I know—I should have told you sooner. It all happened so fast! I didn’t want to say anything until it was official.”
I could understand not wanting to jinx a big life change, but even after she signed the lease and got the keys, her first announcement was to the internet—not to her best friend.
Why It Hurt
It wasn’t just that she was moving—it was the way I found out. Social media has this strange ability to make personal news feel impersonal. Seeing it as a headline on my feed made me feel like just another casual acquaintance, not someone whose opinion and support she valued.
It also made me realize that, somewhere along the way, she’d started keeping bigger parts of her life private from me. And that stung more than the move itself.
The Conversation
That weekend, we met for coffee. I told her how I felt—how finding out through Facebook had made me question where I stood in her life.
Rachel looked genuinely apologetic. “I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. I just… I don’t like talking about big changes until they’re final. And when I finally got the keys, I was so excited, I just posted without thinking.”
I believed her. But I also told her that friendship isn’t just about sharing the fun reveal—it’s about letting people in on the journey. “I would’ve been there for you,” I said. “Even if it didn’t work out.”
Moving Forward
We spent the rest of the coffee date talking about her move—her new neighborhood, her plans for decorating, the job she’d be starting. I realized I could still be excited for her, even if I was hurt by how I found out.
But I also decided that going forward, I’d adjust my expectations. If she preferred to keep big news under wraps until it was “social media ready,” I wouldn’t expect to be in the loop the way I used to be.
Lessons Learned
That experience reminded me that people have different comfort levels when it comes to sharing news. But it also taught me that it’s okay to be honest about how their choices affect you.
By telling Rachel I was hurt, I gave her the chance to explain herself—and she gave me the reassurance that her decision wasn’t about excluding me, but about her own process.
Final Thought
Social media makes it easy to share life updates instantly—but the people who matter most deserve to hear your news directly. A personal phone call or text can make all the difference in how your big moments are received.
