When my friend Jessica got engaged, I was genuinely happy for her. We’d known each other since college, and I’d watched her relationship with Mark grow over the years. So when she asked me to be her maid of honor, I felt honored and excited to help make her wedding unforgettable.
Part of my role was to give a speech at the reception. Public speaking comes naturally to me, but Jessica wasn’t as comfortable with it. A few months before the wedding, she pulled me aside and said, “I’m nervous about my vows and the little speech I want to give at the rehearsal dinner. Could you… maybe help me write them?”
Of course, I said yes. I love writing, and I wanted to make sure her words captured her love for Mark perfectly.
Crafting the Perfect Words
I spent hours working on that speech—interviewing her about their relationship, adding personal touches, and weaving in sweet anecdotes. It wasn’t just generic wedding fluff; it was a heartfelt narrative that blended humor, romance, and genuine emotion.
When I sent her the final draft, she replied with, “Oh my God, this is perfect! Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.”
I figured she’d tweak a few lines to make it more personal before delivering it.
The Day of the Wedding
Fast forward to the wedding reception. My speech as maid of honor went smoothly and got lots of laughs and “aww” moments. Later, Jessica stood up to give her own short thank-you speech to guests.
As she began talking, my jaw dropped. She was reading my exact words—line for line—from the piece I’d written for her.
But here’s the kicker: she never mentioned that I’d written it. She delivered it as if it had all come straight from her own mind and heart.
The Reactions from the Guests
The guests were moved, some even teary-eyed. People came up to her afterward saying, “That was so beautiful, Jess! You’re such a great writer.” She just smiled and said, “Thanks,” without a single nod to me.
Standing there, I felt invisible. I didn’t expect a standing ovation or anything, but a quick “Shout-out to my maid of honor for helping me write that” would have been nice.
Why It Stung So Much
It wasn’t about credit in a public sense—it was about honesty between friends. I had poured time and effort into helping her, and she took that gift and presented it as if she’d created it herself. It felt like my contribution had been erased.
And because it was such a personal speech, one designed to reflect her feelings, the guests now believed those were her own words and insights.
Talking About It After
A few days later, I brought it up gently. “Hey, I’m glad you liked the speech I wrote, but I have to admit I was surprised you didn’t mention that I helped with it.”
Jessica laughed it off. “Oh, come on, it’s my wedding! People know I had help with things. It’s not a big deal.”
I told her, “It is a big deal to me. I put a lot into those words, and it would’ve meant something to hear you acknowledge that.”
She looked a little embarrassed but didn’t apologize—just said, “Well, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
The Lesson I Learned
That moment changed how I see certain friendships. I realized that some people are so focused on their own moment in the spotlight that they forget the value of recognizing those who helped them get there.
Now, if someone asks me to write something personal for them, I set clear boundaries: either they credit me, or I keep it strictly behind the scenes with the understanding that I won’t be emotionally invested in it.
Moving Forward
Jessica and I are still friends, but the dynamic has shifted. I still care about her, but I’m more protective of my time and creativity. And I’m more mindful about saying “yes” to requests that require a lot of work without acknowledgment.
Final Thought: Giving someone your words is like giving them a piece of yourself. If they present it as their own without credit, it can feel like erasure. Gratitude and acknowledgment go a long way in preserving trust and respect between friends.
